Let us talk about jealousy with an instance which actually occurred with me in my college days.
My friend Archana and I were assigned a survey project together. One day, we were sitting in our hostel room, discussion about the best ways to conduct the survey. Archana gave an ingenious idea to lead and conduct the survey.
The idea was magnificent, and I did not like it. I actually did not like the idea of my friend doing this magnificent job, though I was confused why. I discussed my concern with her. I gave her various reasons why her idea was not appropriate- “It will not ensure our desired results”, “It may not work”, “We will have to dedicate long hours” and so on.
As I stated my thoughts to my friend, she responded movingly. She said, “Shalini, I am listening to all your concerns. I am trying my best to comprehend it, but in reality you are not making any sense.
To be honest, you do not sound you, it fact I feel you are jealous”!
Her words felt like someone had poured a bucket of icy water on my face. I froze, unable to utter a single word. To my amazement, I discovered that she was actually right. I was angry with myself- I am jealous of my good friend. What if the table was turned- I was the one revealing my ingenious ideas and she squashed my idea simply because she was jealous?
But I did not admit in front of her that I was jealous. My ego could not let me admit it.
I just said to her that she was being ridiculous and imagining things. After that I supported her ideas and went with the project the way she thought. Of course, we won great appreciation for our survey project.
But my friend’s observation and words completely transformed the route of my life. I started speculating- How did I get into it? How did I become so mean that I did not like my dear friend’s creative ideas?
Then I read a quote somewhere
“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others- it only changes yours.”
That day I decided to look for ways to overcome my jealousy. I started with spiritual practice, journaling, talking with friend and one of the most underestimated ways- napping.
If you too often feel like I did in my college days, know some of the easy ways to remove jealousy and ego from your life and think straight.
Learn the art of giving
In the words of Elizabeth O Connor, “Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.”
If you find yourself jealous of your friend or colleague, give them something. It may be something pricey or cheap, but something that may make them happy. Thus, whenever you find them happy, you will be content in knowing that you have contributed towards their happiness. Surprisingly, we will stop feeling jealous of them!
Always remember the fact all the things come in a package. If someone has something which you don’t, then you too have things that they don’t. You will find people who are good in creative stuffs may not have the proficiency to solve sums. Always acknowledge the fact that if you have some weaknesses, then you are blessed with strengths too. Even the celebrities you are awed with sacrifice their privacy or compromise on their diet to achieve their celebrity status.
Tell yourself – “This is not what I Want”
As individuals we have different needs and desires. But we often act irrationally out of sheer jealousy. For instance, when you see your friend in a new car, you may buy one out of jealousy simply to show off your friend. But in reality you may need the money to invest in your new house. So, keep reminding yourself that if you act in jealousy, you are sure to regret your act later.
Count your Blessings
When you are jealous of people, simply think- There are millions of people in the world who have less than me. You will actually realize that even though you may not have all that you desire, still you are much more fortunate that millions of people across the globe.
The same goes with success and achievement. When we see our friends, colleagues or even family members achieve success, we become jealous and forget about our achievements. But the ideal way to get rid of it is through listing down the things which you have achieved as compared to others like own house, good job, car, good education, beautiful soul-mate, healthy children etc. You will instantly feel gratified and happy with your life instead of feeling jealous.
When you are jealous, make a list of those people who genuinely feel happy of your success. When you have made the list, try to think why they are happy for you. Different people may have different form of relationships for you, but they are happy for your achievement due to their genuine care for you. They actually value their relationship with you. Try to be inspired by these people. Try to be like them and feel happy for your loved ones, friends, colleagues etc.
Acknowledge the hard work
Think about the hard work which people have put in for achieving their success. So, instead of making you jealous, it will inspire you to do the same and be successful.
Getting rid of jealously is all about positive thinking and challenging yourself to turn your negative emotions into productive and positive ones. When you are jealous, improve yourself. It may take time to be the person you want to be. Enjoy the transformation process and get satisfaction out of your journey!